Tag: happiness

  • Bonds Boost Wellbeing

    It is said ❝Behind every successful man there’s a woman❞ ── .✦

    In my opinion ⪼ It’s not about man or woman, nor about who is behind whom. It’s about relationship！ It’s about positive relationship. Or may I put it this way?

    Behind every success, there’s a positive relationship── .✦ Does that sound ok? Just look around. Consider any success story. See what relationship is behind that success. It could be a father, a mother, a teacher, a friend, a sibling or any relation for that matter.

    What does a positive relationship look like? I will not go by definitions I’ll give you some real-life examples. Just feel the positive vibes in the following snippets of conversations :

    🌞A person in his forties tells me “I’m happiest when I make my mother happy.”

    🌞A friend, who holds a B Tech degree from a premier institute and a plush job, tells me “Actually when I was in school all my friends were aspiring to get admission in to IIT. And the whole band got selected.” That’s interesting! Isn’t it?

    🌞“I didn’t believe in myself but my husband did. So, I tried and to my surprise, I succeeded.” tells another.

    🌞My elder sister told me when I failed in my first attempt and was ready to quit “You must take a second chance. I know you can make it.” “And, yes, I did.”

    🌞A bright, young lady shared “The environment at my in-law’s was hostile. I survived because I had very good friends at my work place. So while I was  in my office I forgot all the bitterness of my home.”

    🌞“Though my mother passed away a few years ago, yet whenever a crisis stares me in the face, I feel she must be somewhere helping me the way she did when she was alive.” I heard a celebrity say on a talk show.

    So what’s common in all these chats? Mutual respect, rejoicing each other’s success, care, acceptance, empathy, warmth, appreciation and acceptance. And that’s the hallmark of a positive relationship.

    The above examples clearly corroborate PERMA Model designed by Marting Seligman, father of Positive psychology. According to this model there are five elements of wellbeing. And ‘Relationship’ is one of those elements.

    Besides these examples, we ourselves can recall times when we survived and flourished thanks to some positive relationship. Think about those moments, those relationships. Memory of good events increases wellbeing and happiness.

    With these thoughts I sign off. One mindful moment at a time ✨

    Got thoughts? Drop a comment below! 💬

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  • A Gift is a Double Blessing ✨

    Portia, the most charming and intelligent of Shakespeare’s heroines, said while expounding the virtues of mercy,⭑It is twice blest; It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.⭑ Same can be said of a ‘gift’. It gives joy to both the giver and the receiver. Who gets greater happiness is difficult to tell. Psychologists (Dunn, Aknin, & Norton) say that greater happiness is for the giver.

    💬Has it ever happened with you that you gifted something to someone and they thank you wryly, add that they didn’t like your gift or that they really don’t need any gifts from anyone or actually they don’t very much like the whole idea? How does it feel?

    💬Now contrast it with this. A neighbour, whose kid was my kid’s age, had magnetic letters on the refrigerator which my kid fancied. On one occasion she gifted similar letters to my kid who was overjoyed to receive it.  When my child showed me the gift, I examined the quality of gift and decided it was inferior to the one my neighbour had. You know how adults sometimes think. Of course, I kept my petty thoughts to myself.

    💬My moment of realization came when the next day my kid was happily showing off her gift to all her 4-5 year old friends, who were truly impressed and started arranging those magnets into their names. Then I heard my daughter say ‘Do you like these? You go to that auntie she has given me.’ This was a humbling experience for me. I realised how a small gift has given so much joy, excitement to all the kids. And me! Instead of appreciated the sweet gesture of my neighbour friend, here I’m assessing the value of a gift! Seeing so many happy faces in front of me I knew the gift was invaluable. There are so many things that children can teach us! See, children too shape us.

    🫶The joy of receiving amlifies the joy of giving. A gift that is given cheerfully and should be received cheerfully and gratefully. Gifts strengthen bonds of love and failing to accept gifts hurts the emotions of the giver and creates a negative experience.

    🔆From the positive psychology perspective, the very acts of giving and receiving create positive emotions, positive relations, the two contributing factors for wellbeing according to PERMA model proposed by Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology. Renowned positive psychologist Roy F. Baumeister and colleagues in a recent study, took on the challenge of determining what makes a good life, and they found some interesting findings that you can apply to your own life. ⋆“Givers” experience more meaning, while “takers” experience more happiness.’ That means, if you are looking for more meaning in life, try giving, and if you are in search of happiness, accept others’ generosity with gratitude.

    One mindful moment at a time – see you soon! ✨

    🗪 Over to you. Leave your thoughts in the comment box.

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  • Positive Psychology – A Modern Approach

    Since this space is about nurturing and educating with positive psychology it would only be appropriate to decode positive psychology for you at the outset.

    Positive psychology emerged as a scientific framework at the cusp of 21st century. It is a subfield within psychology and Martin Seligman, a prominent American psychologist, is called the father of positive psychology. Its distinctive feature is its strengths-focused approach.

    Though in the more recent years it has created quite a buzz yet not many people know that it is born out of years of scientific research and studies by psychologists like Seligman and Mihaly. Carol Dweck, Jonathan Haidt, Christopher Peterson are some of the leading names in the field. As Peterson puts it “…positive psychology is not to be confused with untested self-help…”. Here I’m trying to answer some of the questions that may already be swarming your mind.

    What is strengths-focused approach?

    Strengths-focused approach focuses on the strengths of individuals rather than on their shortcomings. There are moments when people are not ill or unhappy (no negative feelings) and yet they don’t feel happy or strong either(no positive feeling). This is where positive comes in. It aims at fostering happiness, strength and well being. And whatever we focus on multiplies, grows. Focus on health, happiness, hope, gratitude, interest, positive relationships enhances well-being, happiness and life satisfaction.

     In other words, positive psychology is not all about fixing problems but about promoting strengths and making life worth living. This is what Seligman means when he says “The best therapists do not merely heal damage; they help people identify and build their strengths and their virtues.”

    Is it the same as positive thinking?

    That’s a common confusion. The basic difference between the two is- positive thinking is a mindset that expects good outcomes always, while positive psychology is a scientific study based on research.

    Positive psychology is more realistic. It accepts that things may go wrong too. It understands and acknowledges negative feelings without giving them more power. It moves ahead to nurture strength and fulfilment.

    How is it different from the psychology as we have always known?

    As for Psychology as we know or let’s say traditional psychology, the primary concern is illness, disorder and dysfunction. Traditional psychology fixes what is wrong. It’s about surviving. On the other hand, Positive psychology interventions are about improving emotional health, social relations, and outlook by creating positive emotions, building capabilities and creating positive relationships.

    And this is the main and the only difference. In the end, these two don’t contradict each other. In fact, they complement each other.

    Enough! This is getting too long and theoretical. Alright, having gained the direction and the basic understanding of positive psychology, we now can glide into practical applications on how we can help kids (and adolescents) achieve their full potential and fulfilment.

    Have more questions? Drop them in the comment section.

    One mindful moment at a time – see you soon! ✨

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